When You Stop Communicating, You Create a Recipe for Disaster.

Let’s try not to succumb "to shutting down" in challenging situations! By shutting down I mean "stop communicating" when we really need to continue to speak. Because the moment we shut down – we literally close the door to solutions, become isolated, and make recovery that much more difficult and increasingly stressful.

We’ve all been in this type of situation and if we cast our minds back to this morning, or yesterday or last week, we’ve been there – we’ve done that! And depending on what went down, we come away with the regret that if only we had kept on communicating and managing our words, things would have turned out for the better. We wouldn’t be feeling the uneasiness that hangs around taunting, and negatively affecting us. It becomes a horrible feeling.

Some of us tend to shut down and stone-wall or walk away from situations because we’ve really stuffed up, have let people down and can’t face them, or we feel incompetent and can’t carry on. We lose our motivation and confidence due to overwhelm, so we just stop. It could be we’re afraid a certain situation will escalate into a screaming match, and we feel our words or whatever we say, will fall on deaf ears.

We give up and walk away. We are afraid to speak our minds and so default to silent mode.

A Pivotal and Human, Core Skill.

One of the most pivotal – “human and core” skills of all – is communication. Being able to communicate effectively through using our emotional intelligence – and importantly – being able to keep on communicating – no matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant it gets.

It might seem like a simple analogy, but if you’ve ever watched cooking shows and I am sure most of you have, about how a kitchen operates and the Chef and staff interact to expedite orders and feed customers – it becomes vividly clear as to why communication skills and the ability to keep on communicating, is a recipe for success!

Once a kitchen falls silent – problems occur and intensify – and it takes more energy and effort to get back on track to complete a full and winning service. Restaurants go bust over the inability for Chefs and teams to speak to each other. The results can be devastating. And if you imagine this type of situation in your world, your daily life and at the place you work, it’s very easy to see how disaster can unfold when you stop communicating – when you give up and walk away.

Just recall some relatable scenarios and reflect on them. It will open your eyes and make you sit up and pay attention.

Accepting that this happens to you sometimes, or maybe most of the time, is a remarkable first step towards changing things for the better not only for yourself, but for those around you who you interact with, who are important in your life – your close family members, friends, stakeholders and customers, and those in your teams who you have the responsibility to lead.

It’s high time to grab “shutting down communication” by the horns. To tackle this debilitating action and keep the lines of communication open – no matter what.

Why?

Because the ultimate reward is that it opens the door to greater wellbeing, improved relationships, sound problem-solving, increased performance and reaching your desired accomplishment.

Let’s Not Pretend It’s Easy.

Let’s not sugar-coat this. Continuing to communicate when your emotions are raw, when you're disappointed in yourself or others, or when you're plain exhausted – is hard. Because in the moment when communication is needed most, it demands that we resist the urge to hide, sulk, attack or disappear.

There’s that voice in our heads that says, “Just drop it. You’ll only make it worse.” Or “They won’t listen anyway, so what’s the point?” And sometimes, “You don’t even have the energy to explain yourself – just leave it.”

These internal scripts are subtle, but they pack a punch. They lead us to disengage when we most need to stay in the ring. Not with our fists, but with our words. With our calm. With our intention to resolve, not react.

Communication doesn’t have to mean you’re launching into full-blown conflict resolution mode. It might be something as simple as saying, “I need a minute, but I want us to talk about this soon.” Or “I’m struggling to find the words, but I care enough about this to try.”

The act of saying something, anything, is what separates maturity from emotional avoidance. And it’s these little moments of courage that build your resilience – and rebuild trust.

The Damage of Silence.

Let’s be real about the cost of shutting down.

Silence doesn’t always communicate serenity. It often communicates judgment, withdrawal, punishment, fear, or apathy. And none of these are helpful in a moment of tension. In fact, they fan the flames of misunderstanding. And once we feel misunderstood – oh, the drama that ensues.

I’ve seen friendships crumble, professional partnerships dissolve, and marriages deteriorate – all from communication that wasn’t given the air it needed to breathe. Not because the people didn’t love or care for one another, but because they stopped talking. They chose silence as a form of self-preservation. But self-preservation without communication becomes self-sabotage.

One of the hardest truths to swallow? 

That many of our broken relationships weren’t destroyed by huge betrayals or irreconcilable differences. They were slowly eroded by the accumulation of unspoken words, unshed tears, unasked questions, and unresolved feelings. By people who walked around each other instead of toward each other.

Rewiring the Shutdown Response.

Now, here’s the good news: 

Maybe you stare into your phone. Maybe your chest tightens. Whatever your tells are – learn to notice them.

And once you’ve noticed them, create a simple mantra or action plan. Something you tell yourself in the moment that steers you toward connection. Mine is: “Pause, breathe, respond. Don’t retreat.”

And yes, this takes time. And no, it won’t always feel natural. But over time, you’ll find that choosing to communicate – especially when it’s hard – becomes part of your emotional muscle memory.

Leadership and the Communication Collapse.

Let’s shift the lens to leadership – because the higher up you go, the more silence costs.

As a leader, your silence can be mistaken for indifference. Your withdrawal can be read as blame. And your inaction sends the message: “Figure it out without me.”

Worse still, when a leader shuts down communication, it gives others permission to do the same. It tells the team that emotions are unwelcome, and that difficulties should be buried, not discussed.

The ripple effect of this is massive: team morale dips, psychological safety disappears, mistakes multiply, innovation grinds to a halt – all because communication was not modelled, valued, or maintained.

Soft skills – and communication – are not a luxury. They are the architecture that holds high-performing teams together.

As a leader, your job is not to have all the answers. But it is your job to keep the conversation going. Even if the only thing you say today is: “This is tough, and I’m here to work through it with you.”

Relationships Require the Hard Conversations.

In your personal life, shutting down creates emotional distance that’s hard to cross. With your partner, your child, your parent – silence often screams louder than words ever could.

You may think you’re protecting them from your anger or sadness. But often, you’re just creating a wall they don’t know how to climb.

I challenge you to consider what would happen if – instead of disappearing – you leaned in. You took the risk of saying what’s really going on, with honesty and respect. No yelling. No blaming. Just truth with care.

Relationships deepen not through perfection, but through repair. Through saying, “I didn’t handle that well.” Or “I know I’ve been quiet, and I want to fix that.”

Let’s not pretend this is easy. It’s vulnerable. It’s exposing. But it’s also the lifeblood of connection.

Self-Communication: The Quiet Saboteur.

Here’s a twist you might not have expected – communication isn’t just external. It’s internal too. And how you talk to yourself in moments of distress or perceived failure has a direct line to how you show up with others.

That inner narrative drives the outer silence.

So, start there.

Practice saying things to yourself that you would say to a struggling friend. “You’re doing your best. It’s okay to feel this. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of being heard.”

When your inner dialogue becomes more compassionate, your outer communication becomes more courageous.

Keeping the Lines Open.

So, what are some practical ways to keep communicating when your instincts scream otherwise?

1. Use sentence starters. Phrases like “I’m feeling…” or “Can I share something?” or “I’m not sure how to say this, but…” create safe entry points.

2. Write it down. If speaking feels too raw, write a message. An email. A note. Get the thoughts out. That’s still communication.

3. Set timeframes. Don’t leave someone hanging for days. If you need space, say, “Can we talk tomorrow? I need to clear my head.”

4. Ask questions. When in doubt, be curious. “How did that feel for you?” or “What do you need from me right now?” shifts the dynamic from defensive to cooperative.

5. Stay grounded. Breathe. Centre yourself. A calm tone often diffuses more tension than perfect words.

The Power of Staying Present.

At the heart of all of this is a single truth: communication means presence.

To communicate is to remain in the arena – messy, imperfect, emotional, but present. It means saying, “I haven’t left. I care enough to stay.”

And that, in today’s high-speed, low-touch world, is revolutionary. So, the next time you feel the urge to retreat into silence, ask yourself:

• Am I choosing peace, or just avoiding discomfort?

• Am I building connection, or eroding it?

• Am I silencing my voice – or showing up for the conversation?

These questions aren’t comfortable. But they’re powerful. And they might just change the course of your next relationship, project, or turning point.

Closing Thoughts.

Soft skills – especially communication – are not easy. But they are essential. In your leadership. In your relationships. In your growth.

The hardest thing is often the most human thing: to stay open when we want to shut down.

So, here’s your invitation: Don’t shut the door. Don’t let discomfort win. Keep speaking. Keep listening. Keep showing up.

Because every time you choose communication over silence, you’re choosing connection over isolation – and strength over fear.

That is not just a soft skill. That is the hardest and most courageous work there is. And it starts with just one word.

SO… SPEAK IT.