The Leadership Skill We Ignore at Our Peril: Self-Awareness.

It’s fair to say that being in a leadership role comes with immense pressure from all directions. Ask any leader what they’re juggling on any given day, and you’ll hear a list that ranges from strategy reviews and board meetings to culture crises and economic headwinds. The weight of responsibility can feel like a constant companion – a shadow that walks beside us even when the office lights are off.

And to handle that pressure? It demands everything from us – stamina, decisiveness, vision, diplomacy, resilience, and more. But the one leadership capability I believe is most at risk – the one that erodes quietly without alarms going off – is self-awareness.

It’s the hidden muscle in leadership. The one that doesn't get time in the gym but holds everything up.

And sadly, it’s the one that we, as leaders, most often place in a basket labeled “I’ll get to it later.”

Why Self-Awareness is the First to Go.

If I’m honest – and I aim to be through sharing my experiences – self-awareness wasn’t something I prioritized for many years. Not because I didn’t value it, but because it always seemed like a luxury. I told myself things like:

• “I don’t have time to reflect. I’m worried and I need to act.”

• “Self-awareness? That’s for retreats, not boardrooms.”

• “I’ll get to it… when the next quarter calms down.”

Sound familiar?

I’ve come to realize this line of thinking is both common and dangerous. In a world that rewards speed and visible results, self-awareness looks like a slow, inward-facing indulgence. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Self-awareness is not a spa day for the soul. It’s not something you “schedule in” when there’s less on your plate.

It is the plate.

It holds everything else – your decisions, your relationships, your energy, your impact. Without it, we react instead of responding. We protect instead of grow. We survive instead of lead. And this is a truth we need to accept.

The Myths That Hold Us Back.

There are three myths I see most often that keep leaders from cultivating deeper self-awareness:

1. “Self-awareness takes too much time.”

The truth is, yes – it does take time. But so does every meaningful thing in leadership. Strategy sessions take time. Difficult conversations take time. Hiring well takes time. So why do we treat self-awareness like it’s optional?

The irony is that the small amount of time we do invest in reflection, pays back exponentially in clarity, confidence, and centeredness. When we understand our internal patterns – our emotions, what triggers us, what energizes us, what derails us – we waste less time on drama, miscommunication, and reactivity.

2. “Self-awareness only happens on retreats.”

I’ll bet you’re with me all the way on this! I love retreats. I’ve designed them, run them, attended them, and walked away transformed by them. But self-awareness isn’t something that only blooms in silence on a mountaintop, which can be most calming and exhilarating.

It happens in the middle of a messy and unhappy team meeting. It happens after a conversation where you realize your ego did most of the talking. It happens when your child asks you, “Why are you on your phone again?” and you feel the sting of truth, and guilt.

Self-awareness is a practice – not a destination.

You can begin to cultivate it in 10 minutes in your car, on your walk to the office, or in a journal entry before bed. 

You don’t need a plane ticket or be allocating time out for an office retreat.

You just need focus – and giving attention.

3. “Other things are more important.”

There are many urgent things to attend to in leadership. But urgent is not the same as important. Important is on a different level. What could be more important than knowing how you show up, how others experience you, and what drives the choices you make?

If you don’t understand yourself, you cannot truly understand or lead others. How on earth can you take on that immense responsibility when you don’t know or understand the fundamentals about yourself. It’s not rocket science. It’s that simple.

What Happens When We Ignore It.

When self-awareness is missing in a leader, you can see it in their wake. Like the devastation left following a catastrophic cyclone.

You see the burned-out teams, the revolving-door staff, the reactive decisions, the unspoken tensions in meetings. You see it in the leader’s own fatigue – the sense that they’re on a treadmill they can’t get off, always pushing, rarely pausing. 

And I speak from experience here.

There was a season in my career where I was achieving every external metric of success, but internally? I was losing myself. My calendar was full, but my energy was bankrupt. My relationships were functional, but not fulfilling. My decisions were fast, but not always wise. I was present in the room, but not always present in myself.

Eventually, it caught up with me. It always does. Know the feeling?

That season forced me to look in the mirror – not the mirror in my bathroom, but the mirror that sits quietly in the corner of your soul, waiting for you to ask: “Who are you really, and why are you doing this. What’s happening to you?”

That question saved me. It broke me open. And it brought me back what I had abandoned somewhere along the path of productivity and performance. I started to become human again. 

And I relished in it. Still do.

Self-Awareness is Not Navel-Gazing – It’s Leadership Muscle.

Let’s clear something up: self-awareness is not self-obsession. It’s not being selfish. It’s not sitting around analyzing every emotion or making everything “about you”.

It’s the exact opposite.

Self-awareness creates space between stimulus and response. It helps you see beyond your automatic reactions. It teaches you to pause – not to freeze, but to choose.

When you are self-aware, you:

• Notice when you’re triggered – and don’t let it dictate your behavior.

• Realize when your voice is dominating a room – and choose to listen instead.

• Understand when your fatigue is shaping your words – and step back before you speak.

• Catch yourself justifying poor choices – and correct course.

This is not soft. This is strength.

In fact, some of the most powerful, respected leaders I’ve met are not the ones with the loudest voice – they’re the ones who have the deepest self-knowledge. They know their values. 

They know their shadows. 

They know what they stand for, and what they must grow through. Grow being the operative word.

The Questions That Changed Me.

As I began the slow, imperfect journey toward deeper self-awareness, I started asking myself a few core questions. They weren’t always easy to face, but they became essential tools for my leadership.

Here are a few:

1. What am I avoiding right now – and why?

2. How does my team experience me on my worst day? That was really tough!

3. What stories do I tell myself about my leadership – and are they true?

4. What emotions do I push away in the name of “professionalism”?

5. When was the last time I said, “I don’t know,” and truly meant it?

These questions aren’t meant to shame us. They’re meant to bring us back to alignment – to remind us that being a leader doesn’t mean having all the answers but being brave enough to ask the right questions.

Leading from the Inside Out.

What would it look like if we built our leadership from the inside out?

If instead of starting with goals and metrics, we started with values and awareness? If we stopped measuring success only by targets and quarterly returns, and started including inner resilience, relational trust, and emotional clarity?

When leaders are self-aware, it’s astounding how entire organizations change.

• Meetings become more productive because people feel seen and heard.

• Feedback becomes more authentic because ego isn’t driving the exchange.

• Innovation increases because psychological safety allows people to speak freely.

• Burnout decreases because leaders model balance instead of suffering.

We need more leaders who lead from their center, not from their schedule. Who lead with curiosity instead of certainty. Who model reflection as a strength, not a luxury. 

Who say – this is OKAY.

Practical Ways to Reclaim Self-Awareness.

So where do we begin? So that you can get moving on this.

Firstly, you don’t need to overhaul your life. Start small. Start real. Here are a few practices that have helped me – and may help you, too:

1. Schedule a 15-minute check-in with yourself.

Not monthly – but DAILY. Sit with a notebook (the act of writing is a powerful tool) and ask: What’s driving me today? What am I resisting? Where am I aligned — or not?

2. Build a “truth team.”

Surround yourself with a few people who will tell you the truth about how you show up. Give them permission. Listen without defensiveness. And remember, two is a team.

3. Journal your emotional reactions.

Track what triggered you, how you responded, and what you learned. It can be mind-opening. Patterns will emerge. Pay attention. Read the signals.

4. Meditate or walk in silence.

You don’t need to chant mantras. You don’t have to go all ‘whoo-hoo”. Just get quiet. Listen to your own thoughts without judgment. Let your inner landscape come into focus and get ready to be amazed by the peace you feel and what you see.

5. Create intentional pauses before key decisions.

Ask yourself: Am I reacting or responding? What does my best self, want to do here? And if it means you have to push yourself away from the table or get up and look out the window, while everyone is watching and waiting, then do it.

Self-Awareness Isn’t a Destination – It’s a Discipline.

There is no finish line in the journey of knowing yourself. There is only deeper understanding, sharper alignment, and greater integrity. That’s true winning.

And the more you grow in self-awareness, the more grounded, present, and impactful your leadership becomes. It will become apparent, in time.

You stop chasing approval. You stop reacting to every fire. You stop performing someone else’s version of leadership – and start embodying your own.

A Final Word to the Overwhelmed Leader.

If you’ve read this far, and you’re thinking, “This sounds great, but I really just don’t have time…” – I hear you.

But here’s the hard truth I’ve had to tell myself, again and again:

If you don’t make time for self-awareness right now, you’ll be forced to make time for damage control later and suffer the consequences.

Your team can feel when you’re disconnected from yourself. They know. Your decisions reveal when you’re out of alignment. They see that too. Your energy – or lack of it – seeps into every meeting, every project, every relationship. It’s on display.

So don’t wait for a breakdown to begin this invaluable work. Start with five minutes today. Give it a go. Choose to come home to yourself and the reality of your human contribution to everyday leadership.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. And presence, dear colleagues, begins with self-awareness.