Motivation, Ego and Self-Respect … What Drives YOU!

Let’s not sugar-coat it. Motivation, ego, and self-respect are the three prime movers behind virtually every action you take—yes, even the ones you pretend are “for the team,” “for the culture,” or worse, “for the greater good.” Spare me. Let’s talk like adults.

We are not saints. Most of us are not even very good sinners. We are bundles of competing impulses, rationalisations, and post-hoc justifications that we parade around as principles. At the core of this psychological and behavioural machinery lies an unholy trinity: motivation, ego, and self-respect. The question is: which one drives you? And are you even honest enough to know it?

Because if you don’t know, then someone else is driving you—and chances are, you’re the passenger in your own life.

Motivation: The Polite Lie We Tell Ourselves

Everyone wants to talk about motivation. It sounds noble. Motivation is what we’re meant to discuss at leadership retreats over quinoa and filtered light. It’s what we say drives innovation, entrepreneurship, art, war, romance, and the Wednesday morning sales meeting.

But motivation is a tricky, elusive little beast. It shifts. It lies. It mimics ethics while often being utterly amoral.

Most people confuse motivation with momentum—they do something once and think they’re motivated. They do it twice and call themselves “driven.” Do it three times and they’ll start a podcast.

The truth is, most people are only “motivated” until they’re tired, hungry, inconvenienced, or slightly embarrassed. If your so-called motivation can be derailed by a poor Wi-Fi connection or a cold croissant, I hate to break it to you: you weren’t motivated, you were indulging a whim.

Real motivation—the kind that wakes you at 3am with fire in your chest—rarely comes from a vision board or a TED Talk. It comes from pain, fear, or a gnawing sense that if you don’t do the damn thing, you’ll regret it forever.

Real motivation is not pretty. It’s not “inspirational.” It’s uncomfortable. It’s internal. And it’s usually silent.

Ego: The Overfed Beast in the Boardroom

Now let’s talk about the one nobody wants to admit drives them: ego. The word itself has become a sort of sneer. Accuse someone of “acting from ego” and you might as well accuse them of cheating at golf or stealing their grandmother’s inheritance. But here’s the inconvenient truth: ego gets sh*t done.*

Ego is the reason we don’t back down. It’s the reason someone wakes up and decides they’ll take over a company, launch a revolution, or rewrite the rules of their industry. Ego is why generals lead armies and entrepreneurs start with nothing and end with everything. Ego is why you update your LinkedIn photo every six months and secretly check how many “likes” your announcement posts get. Don’t lie.

But ego is also a cancer. It grows in the dark, feeds off flattery, and convinces you that your relevance is infinite, your opinions are sacred, and your instincts are never wrong. Ego is what turns a confident leader into a tyrant. It’s what turns constructive conflict into petty vendettas. It’s what turns success into entropy.

Unchecked ego is why we see CEOs who still demand quarterly results even when it wrecks long-term strategy. It’s why leaders in their 60s refuse to step down, even as their organisations stagnate. It’s why bright minds become bitter relics.

And yet… completely suppressing ego is not noble—it’s naïve. Try to “eliminate” ego and you’ll end up a ghost. No presence. No voice. No spine. Ego is a tool—a dangerous one—but a tool, nonetheless. The key is mastery, not denial.

You either wield your ego, or your ego wields you.

Self-Respect: The Quiet Driver That Never Screams for Attention

Then there’s self-respect—perhaps the least sexy but most enduring of the three. Unlike motivation, which is often situational, or ego, which is reactive, self-respect is foundational. It doesn’t flare. It doesn’t roar. It doesn’t tweet. It just is—a steady hum in the background of everything you do.

And here’s where it gets interesting: self-respect is rarely seen by others. It’s not performative. It doesn’t make for good television or TikTok content. You can’t pitch it to investors. But without it, you’re a hollow man or woman in an expensive suit.

Self-respect is the reason you do the right thing even when there’s no credit. It’s the reason you walk away from a deal that compromises your values. It’s why you mentor someone who’ll never be able to return the favour. It’s why you keep learning, even when you could easily coast.

People with self-respect tend to be quiet leaders. They don’t need a throne to govern. They aren’t addicted to praise. They know their value without needing a committee to validate it.

But here’s the reality: you can’t fake self-respect. You can fake confidence. You can fake charm. You can even fake humility (and God knows many do). But self-respect leaks through every crack. You either have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, everyone can tell—even if they pretend not to.

How These Forces Interact: The Triangular War

If you’re a thinking adult—and I assume you are—then you’ll realise that none of these three forces exist in a vacuum. They interact. They compete. They collide.

Sometimes your motivation aligns with your ego. Great. You’re a rocket. But if your self-respect isn’t part of the launch plan, you’re going to crash—spectacularly.

Other times your ego pushes you to chase something your self-respect finds appalling. You want the glory, but you loathe the game. That’s the beginning of bitterness. That’s when brilliant people turn toxic.

Worse still: you may find your motivation is noble, your ego is ready, but your self-respect whispers, “Not like this.” And that’s when integrity is born—or lost.

Here’s an ugly truth most leadership literature won’t touch: most people are not led by values. They are led by whichever of these three forces is loudest on the day. And leadership, in its most unforgiving form, is about choosing which one gets the microphone.

Leadership, Legacy, and the Lie of Motivation

Now let’s get personal. What drives you, dear reader?

If you say “purpose,” I will assume you’ve read too many self-help books and not enough history. Purpose is a product—a story we create to explain what we were already doing.

Let’s be brutally honest.

• If what drives you is ego, say so. At least then you’ll be clear-eyed and possibly brilliant. History loves egotists, especially when they win.

• If what drives you is motivation, examine whether it’s deep enough to sustain you through failure, humiliation, and irrelevance. If not, don’t build your life around it.

• If what drives you is self-respect, congratulations. You may not be flashy, but you’ll die with your soul intact.

But the truth is, most of us are driven by a tangled mess of all three. And the worst among us have no idea which is in control.

You want to build a legacy? Get clear. Because every decision you make—how you treat staff, how you negotiate power, how you show up when no one is watching—reveals your driver.

The Danger of Misidentifying Your Driver

Now let me give you a warning, and this one’s sharp.

If you misidentify your driver, you will destroy what you’re trying to build.

• If you think you’re acting from self-respect, but it’s really ego, you’ll disguise arrogance as ethics.

• If you think you’re acting from motivation, but it’s really self-loathing, you’ll mistake obsession for discipline.

• If you think you’re acting from ego, but it’s really a desperate attempt to gain self-worth, you’ll implode the moment someone calls your bluff.

And if you build an organisation with these misidentifications baked in? You’re planting time bombs. Culture rot. Politics. Fragility masked as ambition.

Know thyself—or step aside.

Practical Application for Those Who Dare

Let me offer a practical framework. It’s unglamorous but effective. Ask yourself these three questions before any major decision:

1. Am I doing this because I want to feel important? (Ego)

2. Am I doing this because it aligns with what matters to me, even if no one notices? (Self-Respect)

3. Am I doing this because I genuinely care about the outcome more than the optics? (Motivation)

If you can’t answer at least one of these with clarity, then don’t do what you’re about to. You’re operating in shadow, and that never ends well.

The Corporate Mirror: Boards, Burnouts and Bluster

Let’s widen the picture for a moment.

What drives your organisation? Not what your mission statement claims. Not what your CEO bleats on Bloomberg. What actually drives the place?

If it’s ego: expect silos, infighting, and performative leadership. Big titles. Shallow culture.

If it’s motivation: expect burnout, churn, and glorified busywork masquerading as progress. Speed without substance.

If it’s self-respect: expect consistency, accountability, and a culture of quietly excellent people doing work they’re proud of—even if no one gives them an award.

If you’re a Board Director or executive, don’t ask about “values.” Ask about drivers. They’re messier but more honest. And they tell you who’s actually running the joint.

So, What Drives You—Really?

Here’s the uncomfortable finale.

Take five minutes—yes, right now—and write down what drives you on an average Tuesday. Not your best day. Not the day you nailed the keynote. An average Tuesday.

Was it pride? Fear? Competition? Approval? Was it love? Rage? Did you want to build something? Avoid something? Prove something?

Don’t dress it up. Call it what it is.

Because you can’t fix what you don’t face. You can’t lead others if you’re hiding from your own machinery. You can’t teach clarity if you’re lost in your own fog.

The most dangerous leaders are not the ones with big egos or shaky motivation. The most dangerous are those who don’t know what’s driving them—and are too proud to ask.

Don’t be that leader. We’ve got enough of them already.

In Summary?

If you want a clear head, a clean legacy, and an organisation that doesn’t eat itself alive, figure out your mix. Get ruthless about your drivers.

And if you don’t like what you find?

Good.

That means you’ve started leading.

Dr Lindsay R. Dodd
Educated, Occasionally Grumpy. Always Honest.
Australian Strategist Board Whisperer
Asia-Pacific. Europe. Occasionally Earth.