Be Kind, Be Good, and Don’t Talk Much: Three Truths for Modern Leadership and Life.

Sometimes, amidst the endless digital noise, the KPI dashboards, the hurried lunches, and the pressure to present “executive presence” on a Zoom call with twenty little squares blinking back at us, all we really need is a compass. A little phrase, a touchstone. Not a 300-page guide to mindfulness or a self-optimization podcast at double speed, but something utterly, disarmingly simple.

That compass came to me years ago, during one of those uncanny moments when life hands you an unwrapped gift of wisdom disguised as a throwaway line. I was sitting across from a man I deeply respected – the CEO of a major Japanese firm I consulted for at the time. He had a sharp intellect, but it was his kindness and quiet strength that made him magnetic. A natural leader with no need to puff himself up. 

One day, in the course of several conversations that became rather heated, and which were going nowhere, he leaned towards those involved, and very calmly said something in his very unique way of speaking that I’ve never forgotten. He said:

“Be kind, be good, and don’t talk much.”

That was it. No grand statement. No admonishment. No whiteboard session. Just that. Eight words. Three truths. In a gentle voice but they landed with the force of a lighthouse beam cutting through fog.

At the time, I took it all in, smiled politely, and tucked it away, like everyone else. But since that very day and over the years, I can tell you honestly, that I’ve returned to that phrase – again and again – when things feel chaotic, or just too much. And every time, it fits. 

Let’s be honest. We all need help getting through the day sometimes.

Maybe it's standing in a queue that seems to extend into the next postcode while a child screams and the only cashier on duty is very possibly doing their first shift ever. Maybe it’s being elbowed on a train by someone oblivious to the rest of us. Or maybe it’s when a presentation that was clearly intended to be ten minutes, has clocked up 60. 

We’ve all been there. We all have those moments. And they’re not always dramatic. They’re not trauma. But they’re tests. They accumulate. They needle us. They poke at our bandwidth. They chip away at the nice, socially acceptable persona we strap on like armor each day. They make us want to snap, sigh, roll our eyes, or worse – send an email that begins with, “As per my last email...”

So, what do we do with that?

How do we regulate the bubbling mess of frustration, impatience, or exhaustion inside us without letting it flood the people around us?

Emotional Regulation: The Soft Skill with Hard Edges

Emotional regulation isn’t just a clinical concept or a module in your Leadership 101 workshop. It’s survival. It’s how you get through your day without torching relationships or eroding trust. It’s how you lead without becoming brittle. And it’s how you stay human when the world expects you to perform like a machine.

And – it’s deceptively simple. Not easy. But simple.

Let’s look at those seven words from my most memorable mentor. Because inside them are the three pillars of emotional regulation in action:

1. Be Kind

Not nice. Not polite. Kind.

There’s a difference. Kindness is active. It’s about generosity of spirit, not just manners. You can be kind while delivering hard feedback. You can be kind and say no. Kindness isn’t weakness. It’s strength without aggression. It says: “I see you. I respect you. Even if we don’t agree.”

Kindness is what we extend to someone who’s having a rough day – even if they don’t deserve it. It’s what we give ourselves when we fall short. And it’s a radically underrated management and leadership tool.

Let me illustrate.

Years ago, a junior colleague of mine missed an important client deadline. The client was furious. The team was demoralized. And my colleague was on the verge of tears. I remember it so vividly.

I could have launched into a lecture about accountability. I could’ve reminded her – loudly – that we don’t do that kind of sloppy work around here and that she’s let the team down. Instead, I did one simple thing. I asked her if she was okay.

Turns out, her mother had been seriously ill and hospitalized the week before, and she hadn’t told anyone. She kept it inside. We all tend to do that, don’t we.

Putting our thoughts together, we adjusted her workload. We offered support. She took it onboard and stayed with the company and rose to become a senior project lead. Her loyalty? Unshakeable.

Kindness isn’t soft. It’s significantly strategic.

2. Be Good

This one sounds a little old-fashioned, almost schoolmarmish. But bear with me.

Being “good” doesn’t mean being obedient or boring. It means having a moral compass. It means doing the right thing even when no one’s watching. Especially when no one’s watching.

In corporate life, we often reward results more than values. We applaud the deal closed, even if the process was murky and unpleasant. We promote the person who delivered the numbers, even if they left scorched earth behind them.

But in a world increasingly run by high expectations, metrics and AI, being good is what will set us apart. Humans – real, fallible, ethical humans – will become the rarest and most valuable commodity.

Being good is knowing your red lines. It’s standing up when someone’s being mistreated in a meeting. It’s owning your mistake before someone else wears the fallout. It’s choosing decency over dominance.

And yes – it’s hard. 

I once turned down a lucrative contract because the client wanted to bury a report that showed their leadership was creating a toxic culture. The easy route would’ve been to quietly edit the narrative. But good doesn’t bend to convenience.

Years later, that same company came back to me – under new leadership. They’d read the report again. This time, they wanted real change.

Doing good isn’t always rewarded immediately. But in leadership and legacy, it always pays off.

3. Don’t Talk Much

Oh, the irony. Here I am, 1,200 words in, and preaching the gospel of saying less.

But this isn’t about muting yourself permanently or suppressing your voice. It’s about choosing when and how to speak. It’s about silence as strategy. About the discipline to listen, observe, and respond with intent rather than react with emotion.

We live in a world obsessed with expression. We tweet, post, share, and narrate our lives like the main characters in a global soap opera. But power doesn’t always come from speaking. Sometimes, it comes from not needing to.

Think of the best leaders you’ve known. I’ll bet that most of them weren’t the loudest voices in the room. They were the ones who waited. Who asked questions. Who gave space. And when they finally spoke, everyone listened.

Silence is a tool. Use it well.

When I’m in a tense negotiation or a heated planning session, I’ve learned to count to ten before responding. Not only because I probably needed ten seconds to think (it happens). But also, because the person on the other side might need ten seconds to feel heard.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do – is not interrupt.

Bringing It All Together: The Everyday Art of Living Simply

“Be kind, be good, and don’t talk much” isn’t some neat little novelty or productivity framework you can pop on a PowerPoint slide.

It’s a practice.

And like all practices, it requires discipline. Humility. Self-awareness. A willingness to mess it up, apologize, and try again tomorrow.

But it works. It works in the supermarket. It works on the bus. It works in meetings, in schools, in families, and in frontline healthcare wards. It works when the Wi-Fi goes down and when the waiter brings you the wrong order and when someone cuts you off in traffic with the smug satisfaction of a person who’s never heard of indicators.

It’s a little thing that changes everything.

Practical Ways to Live This Message at Work (and in Life)

If you’re a leader – or a human trying to navigate life without biting someone’s head off before coffee – here’s how you might put this powerhouse phrase into action:

1. Start Meetings with Kindness

Instead of jumping straight into agenda items, start your meeting by asking how people really are. Not in a performative way. In a “we’re all human” way.

2. Build a Culture of “Good”

Define your team values clearly – and model them relentlessly. Praise ethical behavior as publicly as you praise success.

3. Create Silence in Conversations

Leave pauses after questions. Encourage listening. Don’t be afraid of a little discomfort. Insight often lives in the silence.

4. Teach Emotional Regulation, Don’t Assume It

Run workshops. Talk about it. Model it. Normalize the fact that even senior people lose their cool – and need to learn better ways to cope.

5. Reflect Daily

At the end of each day, ask:
– Was I kind?
– Was I good?
– Did I listen more than I spoke?

You don’t have to get all three every day. But just asking the questions will positively alter the way you do things.

A Parting Message

We live in a world increasingly fueled by performance, speed, and noise. Everyone’s rushing, branding, posting, measuring, reacting. But in the middle of all that whirlwind, sometimes the quietest message cuts through the loudest.

“Be kind, be good, and don’t talk much.” A meaningful, simple phrase from a respected mentor of mine, who always spoke the truth.

It’s not a slogan. It’s a choice. And it’s one we can make every single day in how we lead, how we work, how we love, and how we live.

Not every moment demands a grand strategy. Sometimes, it just requires a breath. A pause. And eight words that remind us of who we are when no one’s watching.

Be kind. Be good. And don’t talk much.